A Love Letter To An Anonymous Stone-Thrower

Dear Anonymous Stone-Thrower,

A rock left from your beautiful hand into the Pittsburgh night searching for either a bank window, a storefront, or maybe even the visor of a riot cop's helmet to embrace. In a strange turn of events, my face obstructed the stone from reaching its final destination and, instead of the intended glass being shattered, my teeth were cracked into pieces and blood sprayed from my mouth like a scene from a '70s slasher-flick. I ask you not to worry about my teeth, they are of little worth to revolutionaries; let's remember how Bakunin got along just fine with his scurvy-ridden chompers. In fact, I'd gladly loose all my teeth, have a few fingers severed, and even a leg amputated if it would ensure that stones would continue to fly at demonstrations. A simple revolutionary cost-benefit analysis like this must surely take into account the fact that teeth are just minuscule parts of the grand expression we call a smile and smiles can not blossom on our faces without riots consuming the metropolis. So, please keep hurling those bricks into the dark sky for the sake of the world's happiness rests upon this.

My dear, I write you this love letter to also ask you, better yet, to implore you to never regret what happened this past Thursday in Pittsburgh. Despite what anyone might say, your aim -or your lack thereof- is not to blame and I insist that the fault belongs solely to my face, and to my face alone, for clumsily finding its way into the rock's path. Place all the guilt on my head... Literally. And in my throbbing skull, hypotheticals squirt out of my jarred brain. What is the exact nature of friendly-fire but a combination of the two elements essential to the composition of any revolutionary: friends and fire? Yes! I can assure you that you will never hear liberal complaints about the irresponsibility of the black bloc or banal whining about the careless violence displayed in a riot come from my now disfigured lips. For I know all too well that gestures cannot be beautiful without victims.

And so, I gladly rejoice in my newfound victimhood. Because, clearly you don't have to be Octave Mirbeau to locate the uncanny semblance between pain and pleasure. Your brick toss became for me an erotic spanking par excellence. It was nothing less than a treat for me to feel your subjective will, set on battering alienated capitalist objectivity, instead rupture my class-conditioned proletarianized existence. My love, you unknowingly set into motion my own personal de-subjectification: your wild pitch broke my identity and my gum-line. Gorgeous it was, how the hard stone, your soft hand, and your sleek body coupled into a machine with a flow that caressed my lips, leaving traces of your desire around my mouth, and, at the same time, produced the strangest of Craigslist Missed Connections. I long for you, Anonymous Stone-Thrower, and I so badly want to tell you that you are my hero and also say thank you. Thank you for finally letting me experience a riot from another angle. Thank you for fulfilling this pressing need, described best by Baudelaire when he scribbled:

I would be happy not only as a victim; it would not displease me to play the hangman as well-so as to feel the revolution from both sides!

If my burning wish to someday meet you is ever granted, please ignore my hideous, scab covered lips, pretend they are casualties of sensual but nonetheless overzealous nibbling, and let us kiss like lovers' deprived from each other for too long. I anticipate this day like I yearn for the day we all storm the heavens.

Till we find each other on the barricades,

Undying affection,
Bleeding Gums Murphy

This is seriously the

This is seriously the dumbest thing I've ever seen written. And I can't believe this is newsworthy.

And yeah! More anything that you say that I don't agree with means you are a liberal to me. lololol.

believe it, human! this is

believe it, human! this is all the news you need

Certainly, if this is

Certainly, if this is serious, it's pretty dumb, but after reading through the whole thing, and realizing how often it made me laugh, I decided it was a great piece of anarchist humor. (All too rare in our circles).
After all, who doesn't know that anyone with bad enough aim to hit a comrade's face when they are aiming for an enemy's window is a detriment to the revolution, however good the stony caress may have felt? I suspect even Bleeding Gums Murphy knows that...

ignorance is bliss...

ignorance is bliss...

this has taken me i am off,

this has taken me
i am off, away from this machine, to show others what i have found here in these words

someone got hurt and youre

someone got hurt and youre laughing? We did have friendly fire y'all. Wish you good luck.

how does the author of the

how does the author of the piece know it wasn't a cop who threw the rock?

that would surely soften the hard-on this fool has for their abuser.

Jesus Christ! Shut the FUCK

Jesus Christ! Shut the FUCK UP!

that's what i will say right

that's what i will say right before starting throwing punches if someone tries to use this article to justify accidentally hitting me in the face with a rock at a protest.

hitting comrades in the face with rocks is not okay, and i hope this post doesn't delude some dumbshit into thinking it is, and throwing some rock without bothering to aim and it hits me!

Don't be fucking stupid.

Don't be fucking stupid.

"how does the author of the

"how does the author of the piece know it wasn't a cop who threw the rock?"

Because all the cops are busy writing comments like this.

I wish that *I* had thrown

I wish that *I* had thrown that brick! Hott-ness.

way to take one for the

way to take one for the team.

so ridiculous it makes me

so ridiculous it makes me want to become apolitical and buy into the spectacle.

But buying into the

But buying into the spectacle is a milder form of sado-masochism,i.e.reducing identity politics to a subjective-objective desire!

i meant that it makes me

i meant that it makes me want to avoid anyone or any talk of change to the system of state and capital. instead i shall drink busch lite and watch Lost for the rest of my life.

why would we want people

why would we want people with no imagination or sense of humor anyway?

Indeed. That would sabotage

Indeed. That would sabotage the demographic of american anarchists being primarily 4chan ironic hipsters.

What!? You don't even visit

What!? You don't even visit 4chan if you think that. Anarchists are so very lacking in most popular venues. We need more anarcho-chantards. It would make the hate more interesting and comments like yours would get played off.

word. seconded. I

word. seconded. I agree.

Also, the game.

Ite partys, me fuckin name iz

Ite partys,
me fuckin name iz fletch init, i fukin h8 all you fat retard priks, u just sit n look @ stupid pics of fuckin dum shit n that dont you? you iz evrythin thats wrong wid the world init, have any of you fuckin partys ever gotton any fuckin gash? i bet u aint av yer? i mean, its pretty fukin funy n shit takin tha piss outta sum1 cus of ya own insekuritys n that i spose bt u dickeads take it way to far init. this shits even worse that beatin one out to pics on fukkin bebo.
say what u fuckin liek init, im the fuckin don. i got some fuckin 12 year old sket preggerz when i was 14 init, raped that little slag in an alley by me mates caravan, ive got a fuckin asbo and all that shit aswell, what fukin shit do you have? you all just sit around and fukin wank to fukin cartoons of some chinky shit dnt ya? you iz all just a bunch of partys who need fukin die yeah, i used skive of skool evry fukin day init and i aint never got caught by no fukin pigs, and im 19 and have a hot as fuk 13 year old bitch (she just suked my dik, was fukkin mint) you all can fuk off now yeah, ima go nick a nova and go joy ridin wid my fuckin m8s init.
pic related: its me an me bitch.

I saw this doc on a

I saw this doc on a gang,some tubby wannabe with some twit who started whining and getting all worried about a slapping and ass-kicking he was going to get from some athletic 15yr old upstart.....Then he started blubbering,,and OMG,,LOL,,tough guy ended up being a wuss!

how did a chav end up on an

how did a chav end up on an anarcho board? btw, "init" is spelt "innit". Twat.

thank you for posting by far

thank you for posting by far the most idiotically entertaining thing I've ever seen on teh internets. ever.

pics or it didn't happen

pics or it didn't happen

Dear Bleeding

Dear Bleeding Gums:
Delighted to hear that you have plans to multitask at the barricades, and terribly sorry that Those Who Remain Unnamed seem unable to appreciate the true depth of your feelings in this matter.
I only hope that I too can find someone who so deserves my careful attention in the conflagrations to come.
Good luck with your future endeavors, which I hope include some quality health care.
Most sincerely,
Dont-Practice-on-Your-Friends McGee

Daily Show: Pittsburgh Irate

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