Occupy Ball Street — Protesters or Sports Fans: Who Riots Best?

<table><tr><td>From <a href="http://gawker.com/5907089/protesters-or-sports-fans-who-riots-best?tag=i...

Yesterday was a big day for anarchists. During May Day protests they smashed windows in Seattle, <a href="http://gawker.com/5906615/five-anarchists-arrested-for-plotting-to-blow-... arrested in Cleveland</a> for trying to blow up a bridge and arrested in New York for running around the Lower East Side. But that's just a normal Red Sox post-game celebration. Who does chaos best: Protesters or sports fans? Let's investigate.

There were minuscule amounts of violence and vandalism during yesterday's big Occupy Wall street May Day protests, hardly enough to qualify as a riot despite <a href="http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=51216">the Right's fear-mongering</a>. But it dominated the headlines where it occurred—mostly in <a href="http://mynorthwest.com/11/669936/Seattle-police-prepare-for-potential-Ma..., where "black bloc" anarchists smashed up an American Apparel and a Niketown. And in Oakland, where crowds were dispersed with teargas fired by cops in <a href="http://www.insidebayarea.com/oakland-tribune/ci_20526433/occupy-oakland-... riot gear</a>. The last time America saw such chaos in the streets was, well, when the University of Kentucky <a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/kentucky-students-riot-aft... the NCAA basketball championship</a> last month.

It certainly says something about America that our most notable instances of crowd violence occur at 1) political protests and 2) professional sporting events. But we're not interested in that. What we're looking at here is the raw damage-causing ability of pissed-off protesters versus rampaging sports fans.</td><td><img title="It says nothing at all. Nothing." src="http://anarchistnews.org/files/pictures/2012/club_lovers.jpg"></td></tr>...
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The most awesome way to measure this would be a gladiator-style battle, obviously. Throw a phalanx of hooded anarchists armed with smoke bombs and hammers, and a few van-loads of trashed Eagles fans armed with exceptionally thick skulls into a small space. Whoever survives is declared America's Most Dangerous Rioter and given a trophy depicting an overturned Kia. Unfortunately, until Spike TV green-lights <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadliest_Warrior"><em>Deadliest Warrior: Dumbass Edition</em></a>, we're going to have to speculate.

First, let's compare the damage caused by most notable recent sports riots, and political protests that turned violent in the U.S. and Canada:

<h1>Sports</h1>
<h2>2012</h2>
<h3><a href="http://abcnews.go.com/blogs/headlines/2012/04/kentucky-students-riot-aft... Students Riot over NCAA win</a></h3>
<ul>15,000 people rioted after Kentucky state won the NCAA basketball championship. 40 fires were set, and one person was injured by a guy who shot a gun. Dozens of arrests.</ul>

<h2>2011</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/11/sports/ncaafootball/penn-state-student... State Riots</a></h3>
<ul>Students toppled a news van and downed lamp posts after Joe Paterno was fired over the Sandusky child abuse scandal. 23 students arrested; Damages: $200,000.</ul>

<h3><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2011_Vancouver_Stanley_Cup_riot">Vancouver Stanley Cup Riot</a></h3>
<ul>140 injured (four stabbed); 101 arrested; damages estimated at $4.2 million</ul>

<h2>2010</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.csmonitor.com/From-the-news-wires/2010/0618/Lakers-riots-Lake... Lakers Riot</a></h3>
<ul>10 injured, 50 arrested; cars burned, local business windows broken.</ul>

<h2>2008</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2008/06/police_arrest_1.h... Celtics Riot</a></h3>
<ul>23 arrested; destroyed property.
Damages: $50,000.</ul>

<h3><a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/story/2008/04/22/mtl-habs.html">M... Canadiens Riot</a></h3>
<ul>16 arrests; burned police cars, vandalized stores;
Damages: $500,000 to cars alone.</ul>

<h3><a href="http://voices.yahoo.com/riot-philadelphia-after-phillies-win-world-serie... World Series Riots</a></h3>
<ul>Damages: No statistics, but according to Gawker editor A.J. Daulerio, who was there, "there were fires. And tipped vehicles."</ul>

<h1>Politics</h1>
<h2>2012</h2>
<h3><a href="http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/28/10260959-oakland-assesses-c... Oakland</a></h3>
<ul>The Oakland branch of the Occupy movement has been more chaotic than its New York counterpart, anarchists have <a href="http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2098891,00.html">vandalized targets</a> and protesters <a href="http://usnews.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/01/28/10260959-oakland-assesses-c... into City Hall</a>.
Damages: $2 million since October, 2011.</ul>

<h2>2010</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/story/2010/06/26/g20-saturday-protests.htm... Toronto Riots</a></h3>
<ul>Over 1000 arrests; over 40 stores and businesses <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2010_G-20_Toronto_summit_protests">vandaliz....
Damages: $750,000 in damage.</ul>

<h2>2009</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/33017820/ns/us_news-life/t/boisterous-protes... G20 Riots</a></h3>
<ul>83 arrested
Damages: $50,000.</ul>

<h2>2008</h2>
<h3><a href="http://www.ctv.ca/CTVNews/CanadaAM/20080810/police_shooting_080811/">Fredy Villaneuva Riots in Montreal</a></h3>
<ul>Damages: $24,000 to cars and buildings.</ul>

Judging solely by numbers, sports fans have been more frequent, but slightly less destructive rioters.

In addition to quantity of destruction, the qualities of the average "fuck shit up" protestor and the rioting sports fan must also be taken into account. When it comes to dedication, both are driven to rage-fueled idiocy by a deep conviction. But nobody has ever blown themselves up in the name of the Knicks. So, political rioters are going to be more dedicated. On the other hand, sports fans are on average much drunker. So it's probably a wash.

But the anarchists who are usually behind the chaos at protests are at least marginally <a href="http://slog.thestranger.com/slog/archives/2012/05/02/why-all-the-smashy-... about their destruction: Starbucks, Nike shops, symbols of corporate oppression. Anarchists read entire zines about this stuff. If you're not one of the bad guys, you're probably in the clear.

Sports rioters, on the other hand, let rip a collective fart of violence, oblivious to who or what is enveloped in the resulting stink cloud. Destructive protesters often have a good reason for their dumb actions, but sports fans always have dumb reasons for their dumb actions, which makes them far more dangerous to the average person. Think about the Penn State students who ran wild over the firing of an incompetent octogenarian who helped cover up his employee's serial child molestation. Or Canucks fans who, just as inexcusably, rioted over losing a <a href="http://deadspin.com/5813167/postcard-from-western-canada-vancouver-flame... game</a>. To riot over sports is to prove you are dumb enough to riot over anything.

Forget <a href="http://gawker.com/5906615/five-anarchists-arrested-for-plotting-to-blow-... anarcho-terrorists</a>. These people are terrifying. These are the people who probably have saved in their Gmail "drafts" folder an email with instructions on where to meet to form a roving cannibalistic tribe, to be sent to their eight closest insane sports fan friends the second society collapses.

All told, if I were the mayor of Oakland I would roll out the <a href="http://zunguzungu.wordpress.com/2012/05/01/a-snapshot-of-your-security-i... armored tank</a> not for the scruffy anarchists who are obnoxious at protests sometimes, but the Giants fans, who are dumb enough to break stuff because of sports, but still sophisticated enough <a href="http://gawker.com/5679216/san-francisco-world-series-rioters-checking-in... into their riots on FourSquare</a>. Unfortunately, you probably wouldn't get Homeland Security money for that. But maybe you should.

Comments

Fuck Gawker. I reallly wish you wouldn't link to them, worker.

The last line of the Gawker piece on the Cleveland roll-up did make me lol tho:

Fucking anarchists. Can't even smash a Starbucks [referring to the NYC book fair debacle] and they think they're going to take down a bridge?

Like, they hit the nail on the head with that. Why are almost all anarcho-Americans so damn incapable? Say what you want about him, but Teddy K knew how to do a thing and he did it for years before his snitch brother snitched on his ass.

Yeah but at least smashy on windows is contagious, unlike sending deadly letters to secretaries

/not hating on Teddy K

One word: Mexico.

Mexican @s is hardstyle. They be mercin researchers outside of universities, burning down Wal-Marts, and CCFin it all around. Muya bueno.

why is anyone still smashing starbucks? because they did it in seattle in 99? is starbucks still even a yuppie haunt? i thought it was just basically the mcdonald's of coffee now

That's exactly why we smash, worker! It is anarcho-tradition, ever since it was mentioned in that Against Me song. Oh, how does it go?

'Cause baby, I'm an anarchist
You're a spineless liberal
We marched together for the eight hour day
and held hands in the streets of Seattle
...but when it came time to throw bricks through the STARBUCKS WINDOW
You left me all alone.
All alone..

That's where I get my 50 cent dumpster coffee! Don't destroy the refuge of the under class maaaaaaan!

Wait, where is Starbucks NOT a yuppie haunt? Are you fucking kidding me? Starbucks is off our list now? What's next? Wal-Mart?

I beat up a fascist with Tommy once. He may be a puny vegan but that kid has some rage issues. No joke.

yeh, blowing up random office workers and professors is totally the path to anarchist utopia, mang.

^^ rascist. next you'll say were just too lazy to do anything other then mail shit.

Please don't use that picture for this article. The press are our enemy.

this is funny at least

What Adrian Chen doesn't know (could fill a swimming pool) is that it was our team that started the Vancouver hockey riot. Go team black!

i was expecting this title to be for the first OWS-themed porn

What fans have that anarchists don't—a religion (sports are religious).

that and the sympathy of the cops. Sports riots have traditionally been seen by our masters as a healthy outlet for societies' collective frustrations. Case in point the massive football riots in places like Spain that are pretty much encouraged by the cops who do nothing to prevent them. This is starting to change as every disruption in daily life begins to be seen as a threat, especially in places like Vancouver which are %110 corporate property. I don't think anyone owns anything in that city if they don't trade on the stock market.

Lucky for us, this whole idea of "catharsis" isn't real (no matter how much I love the band).

Rioting doesn't allow you to "let off some steam" - it teaches you how fun and fulfilling it is to riot!
What is it about "inoperative joy" that you don't understand? You don't get sick of masturbating do you?

Not unless you are some jaded alcoholic windbag who lost their passion for life a long time ago. *Cough* Doug Stanhope *cough*

Oh you made go there!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WVeu7aAP67Y

This is a sting operation!

"The Pigs in Blankets Foundation"

LULZ.

Oh, my God!

-- Bob Black (pig ffffucker)

some of us are on BOTH sides of this comparison!

geaux saints!

"2009
Pittsburgh G20 Riots
83 arrested
Damages: $50,000."

But it was the shit, man!

The most important riot since rioting began, fuckin Plan B, man, fuckin Plan B, fuckin Plan Biopolitical Strike!

Funk The Wars easily broke $100,000 every time.

If they win, riot. If they loose, Riot.... Anarcho-sportfanism

We riot. We lose. We don't riot. We lose.

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