TOTW: Anarchy & Escapism
what is the goal of an anarchist, if not to escape? escape, that is, from the mundane, unpleasant, needless devouring insanity of modern ‘life’. life there wearing scare quotes because the stagnant uniformity of the modern landscape doesn't mix well with the motion and diversity i strongly associate with the vibrant phenomena of life on earth. perhaps this is because this city i live in is a two-bit refrigerated nightmare, but the clawing drone of rushhour tokyo is scarcely less oppressive. despite all its apparent motion, its glitter-ridden and glowing ediface, tokyo too wears that cloak of smog and stagnant philosophies, of mundaity and broken dreams, even if it does so with an alluring macabre flare and a spectacular grandiosity.
so what is the desire to escape if not healthy, hedonistic, honest? epicurean even, in the -relatively- colloqial sense? why does seemingly so little of our discussion involve what we as anarchists actually do to escape, how we actually spend our time? it seems like almost everyones’ instinct when confronted with this modern world weve worked so hard to create is to escape; quickly, and as much as possible, self identified anarchist or not. ive been on lefbook. ive walked around malls. it isnt the attempt at escape i find nauseating about those places, its the links that bring the would-be-escapee back to their cell, the links i see between the escape now, and the later return to this massifying leviathan. the consumerism, the bland philosophy, the fake smiles, the empty talk, the poses, the show, the spectacle. youve been outside too, you know what i mean. and yet stigma still sticks to the idea of escape, it stillholds that air of naughtiness, perhaps even criminality. we’re supposed to be working, we chide ourselves.
but work can get fucked. i work, and it can still get fucked. update; i used to work. work is a time for podcasts, music, and a healthy dose of air guitar and middle class leftovers whilst the chefs arent looking. the food waste in that miserable self-important canteen reduced me to -and would continue to reduce me to if i still worked there- actual salt-and-water tears. but i digress.
so what have i been doing to entertain myself? where has my time been going? the first time i tried to write this thing the answer was ‘nowhere pleasant’. indeed it was not a pleasant time for me, and i can probably expect many more periods like it, from now until the day i die. but ive bared with myself, and ive bared with the world -the world immediate that is-. the days have gotten colder, and so have my feet. it still rains in the kitchen. i havent hoovered my room in months, though ive gone over the rancid carpet of that upstairs bar far too many times. whoever put carpet in a bar can suck a rotten lemon. update; i have now hoovered my room.
one thing i have been doing though, probably adding to my image as a certified crazy-person to those with whom i am closest, is scribbling out a new code in which to write english; a new alphabet, after a sorts. its been very meditative, rushing my pen around to reveal shapes that i actually want to draw. the letter c can go fuck itself. ive tried to build in enough cryptological feautures so as to make it as unbreakable as i am capable, though of course keeping it off the internet was the first and most important step in keeping it secret. perhaps ill even teach to someone whose interested, if they exist, providing i know and trust them enough -including, but ot limited to themnotbeing a person of the internet variety-. of course, if everything goes well the code will never be tested. yet cryptology has always been an interest of mine, even if ive never been fantastic at it; not the making, or the breaking. indeed ive just found another potential topic, cryptology and anarchism. there were many labels i could hear applied to myself whenever i let my guard down, whenever my mind turned back on to its usual whirring overanalysis. many insults, many labels, many paranoid self-diagnoses. thats the usual for me. but ive been slowly learning to turn it back off. and i have page after pages of monotonous, meaningles frantic scribblings to thank for it! huzzah! theyre going onto the next fire of course; outwardly for secrecy, but who doesnt like a good ritual book burning?
ive been listening to audiobooks, going for walks. i sketched my leg a couple nights ago. i cuddle that person closest to me, we have pretty darn fun sex -not that i have much to compare it to, and indeed not that i care that much that i dont-. on that note though, my suspisciously-christian '''secular''' upbringing has left me woefully undeprepared for a grownup conversation about sex.
so now onto the discussion bit, where i invite yall to comment... what have you been doing? what do wish you were doing, and why dont you close this article and do it now? youll probably be glad you did. too tired? go to sleep, or drink a coffee -though not if its after lunchtime, lets be sensible-. nothing you want to do? i feel you, bare with yourself, smoke some weed, drop a tab -though remember to tripsafe-, go for a walk -and turn this screen of if you do, lets be sensible-. get chatting with friends -if you have any; i stuggle with that too-. perhaps you even think you cant do it, couldnt ever do it, so theres no point trying. well, you probably could. your more capable than you think, than the adverts selling you the enxt thing to make you happy are inclined to tell you, even if you tell yourself you dont listen to them. if you are around them, you do. but if you really honestly couldnt ever do it, well then, whats the point in wanting it?