TOTW: policing language or challenging ruts?

The point of changing words, or limiting the words we use, is to change behavior. I avoid saying "interesting," as I rely on it too much. I also discourage people from saying they’re sorry, which is so frequently a platitude, or a way of getting out of a situation, or empty in a variety of other ways. I have sometimes suggested in the past, with people who know of and are indulgent with my foibles, that when they’re tempted to say “sorry” they instead say “fuck you”, which has had some funny repercussions, and is not something I recommend for the neophyte.

For example, instead of “I’m sorry,” other phrases could be, “I won’t do that again,” “I wish that hadn’t happened to you,” “how can I help you now?” or touching someone in sympathy…

But the point is that too often language policing, which can come from a sympathetic place, instead becomes about proving how good the policer is, especially compared to other people, and doesn’t lead, or isn't even intended to lead, to a change in behavior. Here I’m thinking about things like using the word "survivor" instead of "victim." If people still treat folks who have been through something hard as if they’re weakened by it, rather than perhaps strengthened as well as weakened, or even just strengthened, or maybe something even more complicated, then the jargon change is meaningless.

What are words and/or phrases that bug you, for whatever reason, and what behavior would you like to see instead, to communicate more clearly what you (or the speaker) actually means?

There are 19 Comments

Policing often comes from good intentions and ends up badly. Ever try to “help” someone keep a diet by reminding them when they’re eating something unhealthy? They’ll just keep eating whatever and get a kick out of eating it out of spite and rebelling to your scolding. Obesity and diabetes are epidemic, and also body positivity and combating fat-phobia are also important. Victim blaming doesn’t help, but merely recognizing you’re a victim of an obesogenic environment places the focus on macro variables that are less in your power to change than say personal eating, exercise and lifestyle habits. But since people will remain being obese, and the modern environment will make people prone to that, fat shaming and discrimination is a problem to be dealt with on its own terms. But then you scold people for making fun of fat people and see how that works, they’ll find even more creative ways to make fat jokes.

It’s cool that anarchists like talk about our feelings and stuff, but it frustrates me how often I hear people saying they “feel X” (something that actually isn’t a feeling, and is instead a judgment about someone else’s behavior or intentions). For example, “I feel unheard,” “I feel betrayed,” “I feel disrespected.” Sometimes people don’t hear us, or disrespect us, or whatever else. That’s real. But those aren’t feelings, and I think saying “I feel X” is often actually just a way to play the blame game while avoiding engaging with the depth of one’s own feelings. I’m trying to avoid coming off as too pedantic here, because the point I’m trying to make is that I actually do really want to hear and know about how people are feeling. I think it’s a gift to have that shared with me. So if someone is feeling angry, or afraid, or hurt, I want to learn more about it. That’s what I’d like to see instead, people engaging deeply with their feelings and communicating them clearly, while being self-responsible and avoiding blame.

On another note, I used to get really annoyed with how radicals would switch up language when a new cool text came out, and act like anyone who used a dated word was not actually down rather than maybe just someone who hadn’t read the same thing. An example is when Accomplices Not Allies came out. I didn’t see anyone’s behavior actually change when they started saying “accomplice” instead of “ally.” The only change I noticed was people acting uppitty when others didn’t know the new cool correct word.

I haven’t actually experienced this phenomenon in years, thankfully, and maybe that’s because I’m not really in a scene anymore, but I can’t really tell. I’m also not on social media, only anews comments sometimes. Is this still a thing that happens?

Anyway, maybe we talk too much. A lot of really incredible transformation happens in the world all the time, and no one has to talk about it to make it happen.
The Tao that can be told is not the eternal Tao…

that's too bad because there's some large differences between performative liberal bullshit and genuinely backing people in their struggles! anyway, what you're talking about is still happening, can confirm.

it only matters for like, anarchist code switching? which only matters when people don't really know each other very well. so, like when you're first meeting a bunch of people who might be deciding whether they can trust you or not.

im against policing language if something i said upsets you tell me how you feel or fight me rather than using the social pressure to conform.

I pay a lot of attention to the motivation of a "language cop", instead of a binary yes/no. All language is policed at least a little. If you literally kept screaming wildly inappropriate shit at the top of your lungs constantly, it would obviously lead to undesirable outcomes and negatively effect your relationships.

This one person I encountered in the street, clearly in psychosis, with this chainsaw death metal voice, screaming stuff like "WHY DO YOU LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM? HE HURTS ME EVERY DAY!" over and over, every 2 or 3 minutes, scaring the shit out of people, until the staff of the nearby drug store literally called the cops and when I tried to tell this person they should beat feet cuz cops were coming, they screamed at me about how I was "harassing them" because everyone harasses them... til the cops rolled up and shoo'ed me away.

You could practically see this person's traumatized nervous system blasting like a fire alarm. So yeah, that's what zero inhibitions gets you. Rapidly ostracized or worse.

All that said, some boundaries and inhibitions should be pushed at or done away with entirely, sure. To figure that shit out, I usually look at the person's intentions. Like recently, I saw a random post on reddit, giving a bunch of other @s grief about making rape jokes in regards to a former cop who was being sent to prison. Fuck the pigs obviously and I would have probably laughed at such a remark although I've long since stopped making rape jokes myself.

This redditor makes a damned good point tho: that piece of shit cop isn't ever going to be harmed by rape jokes made about him in his absence, the only possibility here is that someone else gets activated about their own comparable nightmares. It's a pretty good argument, can't fault their logic or their motives.

Anyway, I don't usually police language hardly at all. But there's always a limit!

Yeah I eont think policing language is useful but I find most of the critiques right. And honestly I am cautious about hanging around those who choose to say whatever they want. Bc if I hang arrohnd people who make rape jokes or just disparaging language in general I make notes to myself that hanging arround them will limit me bc a lot of people will not be arrohnd someone making those jokes.

So like the language policemen actually at least informs people while now that I have stopped language policing it feels more like silently snubbing people with isn't great either.

Maybe the solution is to have conversations and make it known how u think these kinda behaviors are harmful and limit relationships. So talk on general rather than focusing on one person. Tho it is kinda a issue for group spaces. Cuz u have to make a choice. if u let rap joke poele knfest the space the ones who can't b in that environment are hurt. And u get to make the choice. Is it better to language police or loose potential relationships bc someone is interested in not distressing people for a laugh.

So while the policing sucks I often fall into the situation above where u get stuck in this ultimatum due to the nonwoke language. Which idk I absolutely like people less when they put me in this situation

a habit Id like to break is using "I might" or "maybe I will" before either doing or not doing. Ive noticed a shortcoming of mine is speaking too soon, and overthinking/openly discussing the decision (or decision-to-be) before it actualizes.

I like the example of refraining from "Im sorry" - maybe the spanish "lo siento," or "I feel it," expresses more clearly what I mean when I tend to say it.

other terms I try to omit: "should, ought," and "supposed to." also not using "we" or "us" for anything other than directly referring to specific people I personally know when it includes both them and myself, and not speaking on others' behalf.

Nio fuickin pwerson isa gionna tewll me wiot ta fyuckling sayu I-ll saty whjatevber Io fuxckiong want yuis fyuxcking wokre piuece of shjit!! -- 8Basll!;;!

bro, all policing especially from the left or leftists or anarchists is based on moralism, most of it is based on "better than thou" mentality

people need to stop being fuckin' cops and learn about autonomous conflict

if you block a punch coming in to crunch your nose, are you policing your own face?

btw, i'm frequently accused of being a dirty leftist.

"cantankerous an com" is my personal favorite

no, you're not. you're stopping someone from hitting you. you should definitely do that. that's a different thing than a word.

"people need to stop being fuckin' cops and learn about autonomous conflict"

Please stop policing how I do conflict. LET ME CONFLICT, BRO!

whenever i start to say "i should" i try changing to "i want to"

pretty effective so far

Fuck you, I don’t understand the “sorry” thing without further context. I guess this is to avoid insincere knee-jerk apologies. But at what cost?

I are you calmly insulting or are you apologizing for not understanding with the hip new code?

sorry? sorry, not sorry. sorry to bother you but equisapiens

fuck you? fuck you, not fuck you. fuck you to bother you but equisapiens

ok, i did the math. it's clearly superior in every way.

i'd love to see a shift away from over-reliance on the language of trauma to describe experience, communicate boundaries or etiquette, ask for help, etc. to me, "trauma" is a useful-all-too-useful therapeutic tool that can help us help each other to understand each other and to grow--in therapeutic settings, however formal or informal. but whenever i encounter it as a more generalized pathology, or something approaching an identity, in any other setting, i wonder if people aren't losing something of their own experience, and of their ability to understand experience.

when a person says "i'm traumatized by..." "i have ptsd" "that person is obviously traumatized" "that is pure trauma" and so on and so on, i wonder: are we talking about an aspect of difficult, negative, violent experience with a specific symptomology, or are we collapsing the whole of that experience onto this particular (theoretical) device? are there aspects of being hurt that dont proceed into trauma, but have other ways of living with us? can we only understand the ways that we live and grow positively from traumatic experience as revolving around the trauma, or do some of those ways have nothing to do with that psychosomatic phenomenon or complex or however you want to phrase it?

is "trauma" how we want to present ourselves as people who have this kind of experience, and in whose interest is it for us to present ourselves that way? i think too often it is in the interest of people who want the doctor's office to extend into every personal space, and for everyone to be a nurse at best, or more likely just an orderly. i prefer, and suggest, that people focus on the symptoms--the specific things they want and need for people near to them to do, not to do, to understand and so on. and i try to present strength, confidence, and overcoming to whatever extent i can without lying, especially as an introduction to these parts of my experience, rather than the tenuousness i also feel, or the nitty gritty of my self-maintenance. and i try to see others in the same light, even if i recognize their symptoms (or think i do) and can make good guesses about what some of their life is like as a result.

Anarchists can be the biggest police and just a few different words from authoritarian under the cloak of progressiveness

and before some dumb fuck comes at me for not being an anarchist I am an anarchist and that is why anarchists piss me off

Add new comment