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Wow dude, I feel for you, you sound like you must be old because old folk don't fear death like younger people do, or they don't show it. I always wanted to ask people with terminal illness if they would prefer euthanasia or pulling the plug on life support, but I suppose it depends on opioid supply because without pain everything is okay, you want to live forever if life is easy, or suicide if life is one continuous agany. You don't have to answer, if you are still there, on the internet, ciao.