Add new comment

It's okay, we can have strong reactions on these topics and that's quite healthy, after all.

I think you conflate what's strong and what's spectacular. Direct physical violence is impressive, it's wysiwyg. But saying "one phonecall and nobody will hire you in this town" is not necessarily weaker. In fact, it can have more lasting consequences. And also, the beauty of it is that it is mostly unseen. You don't know what is said about you, by who, and why. That's why it's "schoolyard level stuff", because schoolyard bullying is the art to harm someone as much as possible without anything spectacular that would attract the attention of the teacher (and this kind of schoolyard bullying is serious, that can scar for life).

If you punch me in the face, I can punch you back. Or I can complain about it. There can be accountability about your violence and mine. Maybe I should explain it somewhere, but I distinguish exclusion and ostracism, and the difference is in the process. Exclusion can be done in an accountable and ethical way, that is neither dehumanizing nor abusive. Ostracism, well, it's something else.

Let's go back to schoolyard. If other children tell you that they don't want you to play ball with them because you play too rough, that's exclusion, and that's harsh, but that's not abusive in itself. That's not dehumanizing. But when you start to understand that the other kids avoid you because there's rumors spreading on your case, or because some other kid with social status decided they should, and you don't know what, or who, or why, and nobody even tells you they are avoiding you... That's bullying, fair and square.

Maybe the line between cutting ties/exclusion and ostracism as i see it becomes blurry sometimes, but there is a line anyway.

Glad you liked that article. It was an important one for me.