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"what do you think are the best/worst ways to a) gauge whether someone has done something that they deny doing, b) respond to said something, if it was in fact done?"

It takes a tremendous amount of work to actually figure out if someone:

-just doesn't remember the way something happened

-is lieing

-if everyone who was at the scene of the occurrence of "the bad thing" is mixing truths, half-truths, or lies. If you get a ton of information, you might be able to draw conclusions, but never assume that you are a representative of the good and true.