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i don't have answers, obviously. but wrt is participating already conforming too much... to me this has been a question forever, long before the internet/SM. and speaks to the significance of subcultures. ideally i think we need subcultures that participate as little as possible in the dynamics that we think fuck us up, and then we also need border areas where we talk to people who are not in our subcultures, and then of course we will usually have to operate in fucked up dynamics as part of our jobs or schools or families or AOTA. how does that work in practice? hel if i know. but maybe the idea is useful...
edit: and surely the point of anarchist projects is to make something that encourages people (including ourselves obv) to be the way we want to be in the world. right?