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anon (not verified)
i must be the worst kind of

i must be the worst kind of sheepish follower or conformist, but all i would have needed to “believe” in revolution was one other person who was a true friend and who believed in some form of that as well. but that didn’t happen. i had to critique all my notions out of sour grapes, and abandon all my past aspirations, as i found no one to share them with in an arbitrary too short formative span of time. i can now claim to “know better” but i’m not any wiser. i wallow in disappointment. none of my past aspirations were my own, but choices presented to me, and i chose to get on with it, i never put my heart into anything. i failed at all my endeavors which were only alibis to keep appearances, and on with the next. it’s become an unescapable habit and routine and the only way i can imagine living.

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