Anarchy Bang: Introducing Episode 36 – Non-Violent Communication

  • Posted on: 12 September 2019
  • By: anarchybang

From Anarchy Bang

Nonviolent Communication (also known as "NVC" or "compassionate communication") is a set of conceptual tools and a general worldview that a number of anarchists have found useful and at times have adopted. Some have found it to be a how-to guide for living without hierarchy and domination, whereas others have found it to be a series of tips for approaching conflict in ways that are hopefully more productive. 

NVC can be used as a way to do conflict resolution, which is what it is best known for, but it can also be used for meeting facilitation, counseling & therapy, and some would say for social change work itself. 

The crux of NVC is developing one's ability to make distinctions between objective observations vs. subjective interpretations, bodily-felt feelings vs. cognitive evaluations, and fundamental human needs vs. the infinite ways that needs can be met. The ultimate goal of NVC is for it's practitioners to come to embody a way of being that the psychologist Carl Rogers said is most helpful in relationships: heartfelt authenticity, empathic understanding and unconditional positive regard. The idea is that through such qualities being present in a relationship, that relationship will eventually and inevitably become stronger, autonomy-respecting, collaborative and conducive to those involved realizing their own personal power. Anarchy, baby!

Join us September 15th as we talk about how NVC relates to anarchy, how it doesn't, it's potential for becoming an exciting new anarchist social of thought vs. just a pleasant way to spend an afternoon. 

Some related readings

The Basics of Nonviolent Communication:
https://baynvc.org/basics-of-nonviolent-communication/

Key Assumptions and Intentions of Nonviolent Communication:https://baynvc.org/key-assumptions-and-intentions-of-nvc/

Compassionate Anarchism:
http://www.en.nvcwiki.com/index.php/Compassionate_anarchism

Can the Social Order Be Transformed through Personal Practice? The Case of Nonviolent Communication:
http://thefearlessheart.org/can-the-social-order-be-transformed-through-personal-practice-the-case-of-nonviolent-communication/

Person-centered Therapy:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Person-centered_therapy

Join in the conversation!

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Email questions ahead if you like

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Comments

pass

If you don't have anything nice to say...

...you might have not nice things to say. Although not necessarily.

Non-violent communication sounds at first glance like etiquette. I never put my fork on top of my wine..spoon or what was it.
More things to learn. "No, don't move like that, don't talk like that!"

-"But that's just your superficial impression of it, if you read all the links, or at least one, or at least on book, and seriously engage with it, you'll see that it's not like. It's really helpful and good and necessary and just what the world needs."

Said everyone pushing any book and any theory ever, or any religion.

I wish I could say more mean things about it, but I can't because I refuse to read any of it.
I'll have to make up mean things to say about it.

Non-violent communication tastes like putrid spinach. You know, like when it has that viscous liquid at the bottom of the bowl.

Non-violent communication feels and smells like sitting on a hot summer bench after having pooped and were not able to wiped properly. But that bench was on your lunch break, then you had to go to the office and spend all day like that.

Non-violent communication is like one of those nightmares that don't make any sense, like what some call fever dreams.
So instead instead of waking up with a jolt invigorated by the adrenaline of the fright another kind of nightmare would give you, you wake up exhausted because your brain spent all its energies trying to make sense of it while at the same time producing such nonsense, chasing its own tail.

office?!

imagine some other type of enclosed space where you have to be close to people.
the implied aggravation is that they get to smell it and they know it's you and you feel shame and embarrassment on top of the discomfort and disgust.

my imagination has better things to do ;)

and obnoxious. rosenberg was both really good at what he was talking about, and also trying to make money at it, which, you know... blah.
that said, the thing mentioned here about separating what happens from how we feel about what happens is fucking valuable.
even if nvc groups do indeed act like training camps for a new jargon, if you just apply the skills in your own life and avoid judging other people for not knowing what you know, it's totally worthwhile.

is a hurricane communicative?

Cool, like Ian episodes.

"I like Ian episodes"

Do you think this is a game?

Does NVC make room for relentless gossiping, holding grudges, casual lying, intellectual bullying, and pressuring others for sex? Asking for a friend.

Dear anon.

No, NVC does not make room for such things.

Before the invention of NVC, everyone was just awful. NVC invented nice people, or if nice people existed before it, NVC perfectly, or more appropriately is a humble attempt at a pretty good close enough attempt at, not authoritatively, it's just like suggestions, pointers and objective fact, merely observations, at describing the right way, or less wrong, not bad way to be. Being in mean is bad, so we wrote a thing about how to be good, with your words, when you are speaking with them, to other people, with them.

It's not about superficial politeness or culture specific social norms, much less personal preference. It's about a perfected way of being that is patently superior to ordinary toxic ways of beings that are the root of all evil. Eradicate violence from your communication and save language from sin. We'll progress as a new way of being with our betterness and enjoy our thoughts and feelings transmission using structured and futilely fixed mutating rules for noises (language) that is further regimented to perfection to extract all cruelty and suffering from human exchange.

We will abolish misery with talk.

That’s a great parody, thanks!!

Nonviolent communication is a specific way to do all those things.

Like how in the south instead of saying “go fuck yourself” they say “god bless your heart” or whatever.

And also like a way to police other ppl who were stupid enough to show up to that nvc workshop.

I really hope this episode uses the non aggression principal (nap baby baby!). From waking up to sweet sweet money dreams I use it to navigate the pathways of my life, like almost more than eating and drinking water.

comedy gold!

"unconditional positive regard"

any time i see "unconditional", i think "hmmm... sounds like dogma to me".

i would LOVE to see/hear (but especially SEE) Aragorn! use nvc!!!

"i would LOVE to see/hear (but especially SEE) Aragorn! use nvc!!!"

yep. that's why i asked about unsavory behaviors

I WILL ONLY LISTEN TO THE SHOW IF ARAGORN PROMISES TO EXCLUSIVELY USE NVC FOR THE ENTIRE SHOW. NO SNARK NO SHIT TALKING. ITD BE GOOD IF THE REST OF Y’ALL DID TOO, BUT ARAGORN SHOULD TRY JUST FOR THIS SHOW.

no u

This might be good. Give ppl the chance to talk to Aragorn where his only response must be in nvc. Get the book thriving oogles to call in. Bring on the gimmicks.

Book theiving

Aragorn! can out-non-violent communicate you any day of the week, pal!

They'll have you so non-violently communicated that you won't even know what to do with yourself.

And let's not even mention Ian...their non-violent communication is utterly merciless...implacable...

No way BRO, I'm so nonviolent i will have you tapping out and saying uncle.

You lousy jackal piece of shit!!!

whoa whoa, take it easy, no need to get violent, there's anarchists in the room, not in front of them, please

Unfortunately for you anon (a non issue!), every practicioner of NVC is also a practictioner of systema!!

Looking forward to this conversation. There was, among some anarchists I knew, some interest in NVC around the same time that others were starting to pass around copies of At Daggers Drawn. Talk about an unbridgeable chasm! I don't imagine I'll ever be a proponent of NVC, but no longer being an angry young strugglista, I would like to actually learn what I can and take what I will from it without being an insufferable asshole.

the secret is to experience enough literal violence and never look back! sticks and stones kids!

Fuck paying for someones ideas. Pay for the print cost and labor only. Share your ideas freely whether you know what's up or not, let the reader decide. We must all WORK together (mutual aid) and expressing ideas isn't work.

what's this a response to?

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