coming to terms: on chaos and The Self (grace and hubris)

"can an ugly Troll become human again?!
perhaps then they could effectively keep rhythm with the reciprocal beauty in our world and we can totally groove?"

how interesting! how fascinating is this abundant adventure;
O to explore it! such regalence induces an assured sense of the endless potential to partycipation.
yet, the universe is conflicted, a conflicted mind.
at times it becomes clear and i know i’m not wrong,
other times it’s clear and i know there’s no right.
anyway, have right and wrong ever carried any water with us? indeed are they not absurdly unnecessary to people of good-conscience? but, right or wrong, i’ve often been consciously-disappointed by my thoughts and actions or lack-thereof. all-too familiar with disgrace. and thus, my soul-searching mind cries for recounciliation. :to propagate an ethic, conducive to mutual beneficence for the hypothetical children’s children’s children.
i claim to be willing to serve-up My eggo, for whatever its worth -whether to be mocked as a travesty, examined as a case-study, or accepted as an excellent apology for my crappy behavior with Real maple syrup;
-as loyal subject in ceremonial gratitude- to Our sagacious Epic. but do i? or do i hide it away like a burrowing Gollum!

a struggle: to reconcile conflicted perspective(s) with a comprehensively dignified worldview or sense of personal-integrity,
with all aggrandizing fucks given only unto The Anarchy.
Especially, given an (perceived)ongoing pattern of habitually obsessive-compulsive adolescent-egocentrism / tendency to harassment, pontificating, reséntiment, bickering and imposition except when meeting new people among whom we just can’t bring ourselves to-bullshit , (i.e. potential friends or fellow, anti-civilian Lovers), in which case we get royally anxious and introverted and clam up or run away crying…
self-integrity, or confidence in a heart-path or Life-way, within which the intimate spark of Platonic Love is so rare,(as a diamond in the rough); as in-duty to your question: what if i’m wrong and something IS real, and It Is All Good, etc.,
and toward intuitive, inter-social networking (friendship or peer-group participation, organizing, insurrection, Love).
perhaps a fellowship en route to the footsteps of Mt.Doom where the one-ring can finally be destroyed?
//are desires essentially distractions from actual needs? what distinguishes a need from a desire?;I feel thirsty so i drink, i crave social connection so i internett… so embellished with many good ideas of what to do but, constantly pre-occupied with them, one tends toward chaos and loses focus of the need or desire, instead indulging as-in a brutish frenzy, and nobody sees but The Eye of Sauron, and i -obsessed with imagery and symbolism- trail off into the mire and thickets, alone.-a lamentation.
and unlike the absurd Sisyphus, Frodo exceeds the mountaintop and Bilbo sails over the sea. besides, our burden is more like that of an hobbit-size Atlas; maintaining sanctity along the way,
recognizing totality,
sí se capáz, when it comes around -so rare- again. the eclipse

One could say that chaos and grace and hubris are perceptions all encapsulated in the infant, and coming to terms with these qualities is the art of growing and living with others knowing that they are potentially reciprocating lovers. This would be the existniharch view.

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